Trigger Warning: This story mentions suicide. If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal, please call the suicide hotline at 988. Don't be afraid to reach our for help. You are loved.
Hearing of your death left a heavy pit in my stomach. I learned about it on a radio program I listen to in the mornings streamed from Columbus, Ohio. The news that day led with: "Person dies after falling from stands at Ohio State Stadium during graduation ceremony". It hit close to home as my daughter attends OSU as well. I moved her out of her freshman dorm the same weekend I saw folks traveling from all over the country to attend the 2024 commencement ceremonies! I'm sure you were one of many families arriving on campus to celebrate their students' accomplishments.
Your death sent shock waves throughout the community. People gathered together and speculated while trying to make sense of the situation. Your body hadn't been identified yet. Were you a student? Boy or Girl? Man or Woman?
The circumstances in which you died left everyone confused. This was supposed to be a joyous occasion. A day of celebration spent with family and friends with reservations for dinner after a long commencement. The attendees watch as the graduates throw their caps into the air while saying goodbye to a long four years and a big HELLO to the future! While 12,555 students were doing just that, you said goodbye to YOUR future. It seems unfair that while there was so much joy, there could also be so much pain.
The rumors started to spread. It was a student. It was a man. No, it was a woman who fell trying to get a better view or take a picture of the graduation class. None of these theories made sense to me. How could someone fall from the stands? Thousands of fans attend football games in the same stadium without serious injury. It can't be that easy to lose footing and fall 136 feet while trying to get a better view or take a picture.
"Georgia mom identified as person who plunged to death at Ohio State University commencement" read the headline that popped up on my phone a few days later. Unfortunately, my suspicions were confirmed. I didn't want it to be true...somehow a freak accident would've been easier to accept. You drove a long distance to watch your daughter graduate with your 12-yr old son and husband. You told your family you wanted to get a better look and climbed to the top of the stadium. They lost sight of you. Eyewitnesses say they saw you climb over a cement wall that is meant to barricade the public from the outside world and to keep everyone safe. You didn't fall. You waved and said goodbye and jumped into what you thought was a better future. Who were you saying goodbye to? Life? Your family? Friends?
While a stadium full of graduates and their loved ones celebrated one of the most memorable, joyous occasions, you felt none of that.
You didn't see yourself broadly smiling like the graduates did that day while they threw their caps into the air and welcomed each other into "adulthood".
"Death at Ohio State investigated as Suicide" read another headline. As I dove into the details of your struggle with depression and the balancing act of getting the right meds, I could relate. I, too, have been in that hole you were so desperately trying to get out of. It sucks. The mind is so powerful. I'm sorry you lost the battle. Although I didn't know you or your family, I'm sure they would say you were loved and that you'll be missed. I've been a witness to families who have lost a loved one to suicide and know firsthand how devastating it is. They loved with all their hearts but it wasn't enough.
People have asked so many questions:
"How could anyone be so selfish?"
"How could she do this to her daughter on one of the most important days of her life?"
"Did she know when she entered the stadium that this was it? Her last moments?"
"Doesn't she know that this is what everyone will remember from that day?"
"Do you think her family is embarrassed?"
I have one answer: I respectfully challenge anyone asking these questions to become educated on mental health issues and depression. Show compassion. Know the signs of a person who is depressed. Reach out. This has nothing to do with "being embarrassed" or "overstepping a boundary". It's about saving a life. Be an advocate for someone who sees no way out.
My guess is you felt even more isolated and alone as you watched families gather together taking pictures and celebrating. You felt like you'd never feel that kind of joy. Maybe you rallied and smiled for a last picture with your daughter while hiding your true emotions. Maybe this was the last straw for you and you acted on impulse and desperation?
I can only imagine the overwhelming sadness your family felt as they headed back home without you. I hope others will gain strength from this story, seeking help if they're feeling suicidal or depressed. Maybe friends and family will gain a better understanding of mental health and reach out if someone they know is struggling.
Rest peacefully, my fellow mother and human. I've now spent days mourning for you and your family. You will never be forgotten...even by those who never met you.